K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
