Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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