P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
