like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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