I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
