I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
