Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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