and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
