You're so nebulous sometimes
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
