Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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