And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
