Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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