i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
