you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
