Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
