We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
