I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
