you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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