You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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