I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
