McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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