If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
