As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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