Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
