i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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