then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
