I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
