he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
