I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
