some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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