If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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