Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
