WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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