I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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