You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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