i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my being single is dangerous.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
God I need to hump something, right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
