If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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