I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
