All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
