dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
