It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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