the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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