you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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