So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
