How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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