She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
