I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize