i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
