Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
