I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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