I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
