im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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