I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
