I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
