I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
