I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
