I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
