My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
