Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden