The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks