Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
