I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
