she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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