I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
